Wind

When the wind blows,

I rejoice.

Someone dies and I,

I laugh into the wind

Screwed Ups

You are screwed up

Full stop

So am I

Full stop

Coward

Moving away from

A thorny bush

A Memory of

Bloody fingers

Sowed Seeds

I spent 7 weeks in California between June and August recently. I decided to learn some farming and so used the WWOOF (World Wide Opportunities for Organic Farming) network and went to two places called WindTree and StillPoint Zen Community Center. After spending most of my time doing this, I spent a week traveling in California and meeting family. Amongst all the activities I performed through this time, some left more impact on me than others. So I decided to write about some of my observations and realizations about something and everything.

Growing: I enjoy working outdoors with my hands and pushing my body to do more. Growing muscles is great, but not as amazing as growing food. There are several stages to growing food, and my favourite was preparing the soil for sowing. We refrained from using machines so I used my hands a lot. Playing with soil is fun!

Forests: Working in forests is unknown to me and I feel lost. I don't think they need to be disturbed.

New Ecologies: It is fantastically unknown and rare to be a part of the beginning of a new ecology after the death of an old one. Bees, flowers, and butterflies are in abundance at newness. Dead burnt trees stood like old pillars of the past, as a new system emerged right at the feet of the burnt majesty.

Mountains: I miss them.

Shovel: It is my favourite tool. I could spend days shoveling...preparing soil, mixing it, making Cob etc.

Ladders: Working on ladders is easier than it looks.

Watering Hoses: Using hoses is not as easy as it looks. Watering often crushes plants along the way. There are many kinds of pipes and hoses that you can use to save water. A great one is a soaker hose which conserves water and does some good deep watering. Top watering consumes a lot of water.

Indigenous Grandmothers: There are 13 indigenous grandmothers on a council. Though there are many more grandmothers in the world. http://www.grandmotherscouncil.org/

Care: I care about situations, not things or beings. I cannot love or hate the environment. It just is. Just like beings. And so I care about situations with boundaries that I set within where I can see interconnections, motivations, consequences, and repercussions. Right now I care about problematic ecological and social situations that seem affected by human beings.

Taking sides: No side can be taken for too long.

Learning Lessons: I need to find a way to combine the practical and the influential. To make sure lessons are learnt simultaneously as solutions are created.

Brahman and Maya: They need to be interchanged. Brahman is the essential Maya and Maya must be made the Brahman.

Birds: It is not easy being winged.

Death: It is close and common. Socrates was right when he said that if you are afraid of death you are being arrogant because you think you know what happens once you die. I choose to apply this to other situations in my life as well.

Goats: Are adorable and frustrating...and hard work. They are domesticated just like humans.

Goodbyes: They are not meant to be sad. If they are extra sad, something is wrong.

Communities: They are a place of fulfillment, action, and motivation. It is very difficult to maintain horizontalness within them

The Pacific Ocean: Is the bluest ocean I have ever seen.

Dirt: Dirt is not dirty. In cities it is. But we forget that dirt is not dirty on a farm, or in a forest.

Vanishing: Is all about yourself in a most selfish manner.

Family: Mine cares. Everywhere.

House: I will build my own house and you are most welcome to come and help me build it. Slowly and soon I wish to move away from the urban life.

Home: There is no home. But temporarily special places may be called home while living there. Once you leave and come back, it is a memory of a home.

Moments: Every moment has only just passed and no matter how aware I was of it, I am never sure if it was just a dream.

Connections: There are special things, people, and places.

Some seeds have been sowed and I can only hope they grow well. I hope they receive just the right amount of water, have good soil, are pruned right, and are harvested at the right time.

Thank you WindTree, Stillpoint Zen, Family in California, and family elsewhere.

Watermelon Man

You tease me with your ways

Abrupt and startling

I open my eyes thinking

I know what lies ahead

Never is it what I think

You show me a beginning

And create the end

Before I realize I am there

Every moment has just passed

Only existing as replay

Allow me to reach the core

Tackle the obstructions

How do I find and embrace

If I know not what I search for?

Unfortunately (for you) I've learnt

To live with your ways

Not to dwell too long

To enjoy the funk

Watermelon man,

You are quite enjoyable

Don't ask me to love you

Don't ask me to hate you

Hint: Watermelon man = Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jo5GcYeh7XA

Over the Edge

Some like to call it tipping point, others being jolted to their senses. Whatever you might want to call it, it is definitely the best thing that can happen to one such as me. A dreamer who loses herself in her own world while the others keep moving with what they consider reality. Reality that has been affirmed empirically by most individuals through their experiences. There is definitely something amazingly attractive and profound about living in my own dreams. It is a world which is governed by my own rules, has depth and meaning as I give it, and saves me from becoming domesticated. This world of mine helps me keep some of the madness that is necessary for my survival in my interconnected shared empirical life.

But everyday this shared life places burdens on me. Burdens which become heavier and heavier. Sometimes I realize they exist, at other times I forget about them. But I keep bearing these burdens and as they keep growing, I get slowly crushed under them. And just when I think I cannot take it anymore, I receive a big blow. This blow pushes me to the edge and I try to balance myself, only to find that after the required amount of time has passed, the burden tips over and falls over the edge. I awaken. Awaken out of my dreams, and stare at the now naked shared reality. Staring into the eyes of this naked reality gives me the strength I need and adds that extra nutrient that I need as an organism to grow. With that nutrient within me, I am allowed to grow in joy. Soon I float back into my dream world...only this time with new limits to my dreams.

Maybe until the time I am allowed to dream without limits. When madness and intensity will be allowed to stay.

Presence

Soft steps

In the corridor

The corner

It was occupied

But you didn't see

A silence

Some presence

A melting away

It faded away

But you didn't know

Look again

The corner

The corridor

A faint memory

But you cant grasp it

I looked

All I found was

Self pity

Control

Don't

Imbalanced Connections

Life appears to be a movement between two extremes and the constant struggle to find balance. There are so many kinds of extremes;

Happiness-Sadness

Personal dreams-Societal demands

My opinions-Your opinions

My life-Your life

Home-Evey other place

Respect-Rejection

Knowledge-Ignorance

Work-Play

Idle-Busy

There are so many more extremes that seem to dominate life. But the reality is in the fact that conflict arises because of creating these dualities. The wider my eyes open I find there is nothing but a vast web of interlocking, interdependent connections and relationships. Some relationships more important than others at different times. All these dualisms have been proved to be utter nonsense in my life. They are simultaneously existing at all times in relations to so many other aspects, and if you think life is about finding balance, think again.

Happiness and sadness affect us so much. Today I am happy, and tomorrow I am sad. I do not complain when I am happy but I am aware I might lose this happiness very soon. Tomorrow when I feel sad I cannot wait for it to pass. And when I perceive the two days separately, I think to myself, 'I need balance' so that neither happiness nor sadness affect me. But that cannot be true, because at all times, happiness and sadness exist together. I have observed my life and found that every happy event is accompanied at all times by some sad event. The degree of sadness and happiness may vary, but you cannot separate the two. They are part of a web.

Another one of my lessons that I have learnt has been regarding my personal problems versus the world's problems. How often have I heard that 'when you compare your own personal problems with the world's problems, you will find that they become insignificant'. 'Looking up at the stars you realize how small you are'. This seems like the worst advice you can give someone. My problems are not insignificant. They are a part of this web of interconnections which is connected to all the world problems. I can only simultaneously work on both together. My problems are not outside of the web of other problems. They will never be completely resolved and nor will the world's problems. They have to co-exist and will warrant equal attention.

Deconstructing the global and local is also very important. The local and global are interconnected at all times. The web only grows more or less intricate depending on how far or near it you are. The closer you go, the local seems to swallow you up. It is up to me, how far I want to go or how near I want to go. It is up to me what part of this web I want to focus on.

I guess life is about understanding the interconnections within which we all exist and participate. The smooth functioning of this web is all we can hope and strive for.

Facticity

"That was not me

And this is not me"

Conscious or

Unconscious

It has not left me

But while I walk

Heavy monsoon air

The wet breeze

The timid sun

I am not a criminal

I forget and yet,

I cannot forgive