Sunday, April 25, 2010

Over the Edge

Some like to call it tipping point, others being jolted to their senses. Whatever you might want to call it, it is definitely the best thing that can happen to one such as me. A dreamer who loses herself in her own world while the others keep moving with what they consider reality. Reality that has been affirmed empirically by most individuals through their experiences. There is definitely something amazingly attractive and profound about living in my own dreams. It is a world which is governed by my own rules, has depth and meaning as I give it, and saves me from becoming domesticated. This world of mine helps me keep some of the madness that is necessary for my survival in my interconnected shared empirical life.

But everyday this shared life places burdens on me. Burdens which become heavier and heavier. Sometimes I realize they exist, at other times I forget about them. But I keep bearing these burdens and as they keep growing, I get slowly crushed under them. And just when I think I cannot take it anymore, I receive a big blow. This blow pushes me to the edge and I try to balance myself, only to find that after the required amount of time has passed, the burden tips over and falls over the edge. I awaken. Awaken out of my dreams, and stare at the now naked shared reality. Staring into the eyes of this naked reality gives me the strength I need and adds that extra nutrient that I need as an organism to grow. With that nutrient within me, I am allowed to grow in joy. Soon I float back into my dream world...only this time with new limits to my dreams.

Maybe until the time I am allowed to dream without limits. When madness and intensity will be allowed to stay.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Presence

Soft steps
In the corridor
The corner
It was occupied
But you didn't see

A silence
Some presence
A melting away
It faded away
But you didn't know

Look again
The corner
The corridor
A faint memory
But you cant grasp it

I looked
All I found was
Self pity


Control

Don't

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Imbalanced Connections

Life appears to be a movement between two extremes and the constant struggle to find balance. There are so many kinds of extremes;

Happiness-Sadness
Personal dreams-Societal demands
My opinions-Your opinions
My life-Your life
Home-Evey other place
Respect-Rejection
Knowledge-Ignorance
Work-Play
Idle-Busy

There are so many more extremes that seem to dominate life. But the reality is in the fact that conflict arises because of creating these dualities. The wider my eyes open I find there is nothing but a vast web of interlocking, interdependent connections and relationships. Some relationships more important than others at different times. All these dualisms have been proved to be utter nonsense in my life. They are simultaneously existing at all times in relations to so many other aspects, and if you think life is about finding balance, think again.

Happiness and sadness affect us so much. Today I am happy, and tomorrow I am sad. I do not complain when I am happy but I am aware I might lose this happiness very soon. Tomorrow when I feel sad I cannot wait for it to pass. And when I perceive the two days separately, I think to myself, 'I need balance' so that neither happiness nor sadness affect me. But that cannot be true, because at all times, happiness and sadness exist together. I have observed my life and found that every happy event is accompanied at all times by some sad event. The degree of sadness and happiness may vary, but you cannot separate the two. They are part of a web.

Another one of my lessons that I have learnt has been regarding my personal problems versus the world's problems. How often have I heard that 'when you compare your own personal problems with the world's problems, you will find that they become insignificant'. 'Looking up at the stars you realize how small you are'. This seems like the worst advice you can give someone. My problems are not insignificant. They are a part of this web of interconnections which is connected to all the world problems. I can only simultaneously work on both together. My problems are not outside of the web of other problems. They will never be completely resolved and nor will the world's problems. They have to co-exist and will warrant equal attention.

Deconstructing the global and local is also very important. The local and global are interconnected at all times. The web only grows more or less intricate depending on how far or near it you are. The closer you go, the local seems to swallow you up. It is up to me, how far I want to go or how near I want to go. It is up to me what part of this web I want to focus on.

I guess life is about understanding the interconnections within which we all exist and participate. The smooth functioning of this web is all we can hope and strive for.