Sunday, February 28, 2010

Shifting Gears

Shifting gears finally
From me to you
In the web
That is us.


Sunday, February 14, 2010

Memories of You

Today as I heard the music,
I was reminded of you.
Of your hips swaying,
Like water smoothly flowing.

Joy and naughtiness
On your beautiful face.

For You - Valentine's day Love Poem

Why is today special?


Everyday I see you,

I feel care

Care for your now and before and after

I feel longing

Longing for your care and caress

I feel pain

Pain that I break my heart everyday

I feel resignation

Resignation at never getting a chance.

All this I feel, everyday.

Why do I care?

Even though I know what you feel

Why do I care?

Despite knowing how it will be


I know even if you would give us a chance

It would be painful and tiring

Sadness and hurt

For me and

You

And yet here I am once again

On a gloomy sunday

Wanting to show you how I feel

Waiting for your sweet care

To lie in your arms

Even if it is just for a day, an hour, a minute.


And yet as I write and send this I know

Today I want to tell you about my love

I will not take anything or want anything

Tomorrow I will be your friend again

Today the sun will set again

Another day will have passed

With the shadows of the emotions it had cast

Tomorrow I will speak to you again

Just as a friend you will approach me

And I will gladly accept it for the best

Because I can only care for you

Only always understand.


The sun has set and with it

So has my longing


Why is today special?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Relationships

If there is anyone you could call naive, its me as far as 'worldly' relationships go. Who says I am naive? Well you guessed that right, the world. A vicious circle indeed. The world might probably call me naive for even writing about relationships...but to that I just say...

Get lost.

Seeing as I am going through adolescence now rather than a few years ago, it is quite appropriate and fitting that I should be thinking about these matters like relationships now. Though I have heard its a life long thing. But I am guessing I will probably revert to my old ways of not giving a damn about them, eventually as the novelty of this topic wears out in my life.

So getting to the point, relationships. What can I say? They come in all shapes, sizes, and colours. Whoa wait a minute, I am not talking about the people in the relationships. I mean relationships themselves. They are so varied. Of course now others might say, nah not really. They're all just power struggles. To them I say, it got its pros and cons buddy. And if I love someone who doesn't even know I care, I win immediately! Power to me! But I like to believe that relationships are of all kinds and my life experiences affirm that. It is not a surprise since we are all interconnected in a web of relationships, where each connection is unique (with no positive connotation).

Now in this web of connections I give more importance to certain connections than others, and these connections I call relationships. In my life I have given importance to the following kinds of relationships;
1) Brothers
2) Sisters
3) Friends who I can be mean to
4) Romantic partners/Prospective romantic partners
5) Unnameable relationships

I love my brothers. I love my sisters. It is very simple. When I say simple it doesn't mean that my love is always returned. It just means that it is easy to come to terms with unrequited love in this senario.

Friends, yes it is mostly simple too but not as much as the above. For someone like me who can really create meaningful friendships with only 1 or 2 people every 2 years, it is not so simple. But once again, the beauty of friendships is, low expectations and therefore lower chances of feeling the pain of unrequited love

What can I say about the simplicity of the relationships with romantic partners? I can't say anything actually because there is no 'simplicity'. Though I was once a believer in simple romance. Sometimes I wonder if unrequited love is just as hurtful when coming from your partner or a prospective partner. I find both equally painful. Lets just say restless nights and days are endless. Sometimes it feels like a punishment for being naive. But its does great wonders if like me you suffer from a big ego. Neither giving is easy nor is taking in these relationships.

The unnameable relationships are usually those where I feel a connection with someone but there is no past, no reason, and no future. Its usually mostly fulfilled in the present. It doesn't desire much and so is very often the simplest and most fulfilling of all. Its normal in the sense that it passes through your like any other occurrence. I guess its an occurrence, but with meaningful impact. The only pain is when either me or the other person does not see that it is an unnameable relationship. Or when I try to twist a normal relationship into an unnameable relationship for the romantic purposes of my brain.

Having gone through the list, I find that knowledge does not suffice. I am hoping that the 'imaginary' gap between my knowledge and my actions can be bridged. I cannot help but add a small verse at the end to express my emotions...

Am I sick,
Because of broken dreams?
Am I swayed,
Because of the love games?
Of the heart.
Of the past.
But there is a break, along the way
There I will reach, once I am ready.