Seeing as I am going through adolescence now rather than a few years ago, it is quite appropriate and fitting that I should be thinking about these matters like relationships now. Though I have heard its a life long thing. But I am guessing I will probably revert to my old ways of not giving a damn about them, eventually as the novelty of this topic wears out in my life.
So getting to the point, relationships. What can I say? They come in all shapes, sizes, and colours. Whoa wait a minute, I am not talking about the people in the relationships. I mean relationships themselves. They are so varied. Of course now others might say, nah not really. They're all just power struggles. To them I say, it got its pros and cons buddy. And if I love someone who doesn't even know I care, I win immediately! Power to me! But I like to believe that relationships are of all kinds and my life experiences affirm that. It is not a surprise since we are all interconnected in a web of relationships, where each connection is unique (with no positive connotation).
Now in this web of connections I give more importance to certain connections than others, and these connections I call relationships. In my life I have given importance to the following kinds of relationships;
3) Friends who I can be mean to
4) Romantic partners/Prospective romantic partners
5) Unnameable relationships
I love my brothers. I love my sisters. It is very simple. When I say simple it doesn't mean that my love is always returned. It just means that it is easy to come to terms with unrequited love in this senario.
Friends, yes it is mostly simple too but not as much as the above. For someone like me who can really create meaningful friendships with only 1 or 2 people every 2 years, it is not so simple. But once again, the beauty of friendships is, low expectations and therefore lower chances of feeling the pain of unrequited love
What can I say about the simplicity of the relationships with romantic partners? I can't say anything actually because there is no 'simplicity'. Though I was once a believer in simple romance. Sometimes I wonder if unrequited love is just as hurtful when coming from your partner or a prospective partner. I find both equally painful. Lets just say restless nights and days are endless. Sometimes it feels like a punishment for being naive. But its does great wonders if like me you suffer from a big ego. Neither giving is easy nor is taking in these relationships.
The unnameable relationships are usually those where I feel a connection with someone but there is no past, no reason, and no future. Its usually mostly fulfilled in the present. It doesn't desire much and so is very often the simplest and most fulfilling of all. Its normal in the sense that it passes through your like any other occurrence. I guess its an occurrence, but with meaningful impact. The only pain is when either me or the other person does not see that it is an unnameable relationship. Or when I try to twist a normal relationship into an unnameable relationship for the romantic purposes of my brain.
Having gone through the list, I find that knowledge does not suffice. I am hoping that the 'imaginary' gap between my knowledge and my actions can be bridged. I cannot help but add a small verse at the end to express my emotions...
Am I sick,
Because of broken dreams?
Am I swayed,
Because of the love games?
Of the heart.
Of the past.
But there is a break, along the way
There I will reach, once I am ready.