How does it feel to be different from me?

These are the words of a song by Avril Lavigne called 'how does it feel?'.
I have always felt that no one can know what my pain feels like and I can never know what someone else's pain feels like. Its good in a way and at the same time sad.... I want to know how it feels...

I'm not afraid of anything,
I just need to know that I can breathe,
And I don't need much of anything,
But suddenly (suddenly)

I am small and the world is big,
All around me is fast moving,
Im surrounded by so many things,
Suddenly (suddenly)

How does it feel...
To be, different from me,
Are we the same,
How does it feel...
To be, different from me,
Are we the same,
How does it feel,

I am young
And I am free,
But I get tired and I get weak,
I get lost and I can't sleep,
But suddenly (suddenly)

How does it feel...
To be(to be), different from me,
Are we the same,
How does it feel...
To be(to be), different from me,
Are we the same,
How does it feel,

Would you com-fort me
Would you cry with me

In This Moment

Just stay still for a moment.

Don’t think about the past nor the future.

In this moment now

In this moment now

Are you sad?

Is there any reason in ‘this moment’ to be sad?

Don’t think about the past nor the future.

There is nothing sad happening to you now in this moment.

So be happy in this awareness.

The awareness that there is nothing sad, Now.

Dwelling in the past is a waste of energy.

An unnecessary waste of emotions.

You’ve already got what was needed from the past now.

No need to go back there.

Dwelling in the future is a waste of energy.

Things never turn out the way you imagined.

And you know that.

An unnecessary waste of emotions.

You already know what you need for the future, Now.

In this moment you will know what you need.

But only in this moment.

Now I know what I must do.

Just be.

The Endless River

This choice of life brings with it a lot of sadness of unfinished dreams of purity, freedom and exploration. It brings with it a defeated acceptance of life and all it has to offer. Nirvana, sadness, happiness, people, relationships, love. But what is missing here? It is missing. Depth is missing. Unknown is missing. There is a compromise everybody has made with life at some point or the other but have forgotten it. Some remember, but most of them have forgotten it. And soon I will also forget and get lost in this world and one day I will wake up and find the dreams of my childhood. I will show them the light of the unknown. The light of a place where they can be different. Completely different. No norms, no rules no prefixed path or way of life like the one is lived. What do I mean? Well I mean look at the life of a normal man. He is born, he plays as a child, goes to school for 12years, college for 5 years or so. Then he must work for money and livelihood which in reality he should have no need to work for because everything on earth is for him and everybody. There is more than enough for everybody. How is it that man said this is mine when it was and never is his? And still it is not his as u know very well man is born and dies without a single thing. Then he questions himself as he does through his whole life what is the purpose of my living? Most of the times his answer is to be of help to another person. And that he does and some people do it a lot. Then he dies. But can there be a completely different life? One where there are no words, no definations, no rules, no needs, no pressures, no goals, no money, nothing of what is now. Don’t u think it is time a new life is created god? A completely different life? Has not this life gone on for too long? The mess is ever increasing. The ones who seemed to have found ways of staying away from this life are just waiting for u to send or create a new life. Unconscious frustrations are causing deaths and more hurt. Some of which are conscious. But I think it is time for this life to end. I understand god that u must have some plan, but must this end with so much pain, so much suffereing, so much hurt? Cannot it end peacefully with a thought in everyone’s heart of peace and hope for the light of the unknown? Are we the ones to show the light? Is there any hope for this life to end beautifully? If I am meant to show the light I am ready to do what you please. Because I too want a different life. Don’t give up on me. I am not lost yet.

How much will people do to survive in this life full of hurt and pain. Everybody finds a corner or a log of wood to float on while the river keeps on growing wilder and stormier. So many so many are unable to hold on and pass away. When will this storm end? Why do some people float on unbreakable boats while some barely can hold on to one piece of log? And then they try desperately to hold on to another and another and try to build a raft for themselves. Many manage to do that. But that is all they do. Ultimately they are still flowing with the river towards its end which is the same for all. And many decide to help pthers as they build their own rafts and help others who are struggling to keep their head above the water, up on to their rafts. But there are so many who go under, so many who are crying out for help. What can we do god? We are all being hurled towards the end by this river which becomes increasingly violent. We all must hold our hands as we will meet the end as it comes ahead of us.

A few sentences is all it takes...to change

I read these lines in a book and they really helped me see myself truly. I like to think of 'smell' as a problem i find within myself.

"You dont smell. You have never smelt. It is just your

fear talking. Your fear that once more you will be

rejected. You want to think you smell because that way

you will be able to blame yourself. That way it will

become impossible for anyone to hurt you, because u

have already rejected yourself.

The smell is your only defence your revolt against

powerlessness. But it isn't real. It is no more real

than your defencelessness."

Photos...

Hey if you like these pics check out my other pictures by clicking on 'Photos' above.

A Poetry...

What should I write a verse on?
The philosophies of life or,
The life and thoughts of saints?
Perhaps a poetry about you
Or one about myself again?
Why not about endless time?

Words float through my head
Like bees from flower to flower,
And thus moves my pen,
Following my mind to its den,
Around the spiraling paths,
Where my thoughts do exist.

It demands something from me,
Something like a bit of creativity,
Wild imagination one might say,
To open up and let all go away,
Away from me but down into paper,
No! Its not to be forgotten forever.

And a boring poem it turns out to be,
But I guess sometimes that's just me!

Yesterday

Yesterday was another day,
Where were the swaying trees
That never can be shaken?
Firmly they plant themselves,
Like the days gone by.

Yesterday was a day gone by,
With sunshine and rain,
With moonlight and flame,
Is something missing here?
Is it gone, that which had been?

The clouds had floated by,
Winds that shook the mighty peaks,
Yesterday can be the day,
Which again may live,
To rule over the day today.

MATRIX...

Here are a few of the meaningful Dialogues that i love from the Matrix movies...

Agent Smith: There is no escaping reason, no denying purpose, because as we both know, without purpose, we would not exist.It is purpose that created us. Purpose that connects us. Purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drive us. It is purpose that defines, purpose that binds us.

Agent Smith:Why do you get up, why keep fighting. Do you believe you're fighting for something, for more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is, do you even know? Is it freedom, or truth, perhaps peace, could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose! And all of them as artificial as the matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now. You can't win, it's pointless to keep fighting! Why, Mr. Anderson, why? Why do you persist?

Morpheus: "Everything begins with choice."Merovingian: "No. Wrong. Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without."

Agent Smith: I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.

Morpheus: What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.

The Architect: Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.

The Oracle: we cant see past the choices we dont understand

Neo: I know ur out there, I can feel u now, I know that ur afraid. U r afraid of us, U r afraid of change.I dont know the future, I didnt come here to tell u how this is going to end, I came here to tell u how its going to begin. I am going to hang up this phone, and then iam going to show these people what u dont want them to see. I am going to show them the world, without u, a world without rules and controls without borders or boudaries, a world where anything is possible.
Where u go from there is a choice i will leave to u...

Trinity: Dodge this..

Morpheus: welcome to the desert of the real

Agent Smith: Can you hear me, Morpheus? I'm going to be honest with you. I hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell. If there is such a thing. I feel.. saturated by it. I can taste your stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it, it's repulsive. I must get out of here.

wind girl

leaves flutter as winds swirl,
wont it touch her pretty face?
she is waiting as she ever will,
is she not the wind girl?

wishes she does to be,
not what the others see,
free like the blowing leaves,
a wind girl she wants to be.

flowing with the streams,
as they swiftly gush by,
as far as ever any dream,
through the nights that fly.

there she wants to go,
she has not the wings.
but the winds may carry her,
where her heart forever sings.

a wind girl she wants to be,
she is waiting as she ever will,
for the wind is forever free,
and that, she longs to be.

Leibniz and the Monads....

Leibniz was (i'd say!) a brilliant Philosopher and Mathematician who came up with the calculus at approximately the same time as Newton. But i like to think of him more as a philosopher for his theories of 'Monads'.
Its a most absurd sounding and abstract theory and one would think that he probably just made it up because he wanted to do something with his time! sitting in his bathtub... and thinking...."hmm... what if the world is made up of monads?" Well the word itself sounds pretty much like what the hell???
Yeah so basically this guy thought that the world is made up of the 'Monads' which are everywhere or rather they are everything. just that too bad for us we cant see them. But wait a minute.... we are also freakin monads. so there ain't no we and them its all Monadsssssss. Kinda like atoms one may say. But DONT YOU DARE IMAGINE MONADS AS ATOMS!!! Cause if u did it would mean you got some extra sensory vision and you managed to see them Monads. But the truth is they are 'imperceptible' to the eye and they are without 'extention' and they do not exist in 'time and space'. Well if you want to know what those big words mean you should just look up the dictionary. Or just ignore them...thats how philosophers get through most of the big books. If you spend time to 'stop and stare' in philosophy then you'll never get anywhere isn't it?
Well I kind of drifted from the point didnt I? Yeah so these Monads says Leibniz must have a reason to exist otherwise whats the point of it all? Just like our lives.... So God is the reason and he ordered the monads to march forward and make your body. And this God is like the best god ever. Cause he can't help but be otherwise so he's like the most perfect being. So obviously the shitty life that you think you are living is in fact the best one you could ever have! Cause God could only make the best world possible!
So lessons to learn from this???
1) Stop cursing life and get on with it cause its awesome and its probably you who dont know it yet.
2) you are the best possible collection of Monads!!!
3) if your monads have a purpose so must you...so believe it
4) We are all monads afterall isn't is??? so no need to nurse that huge ego cause it is nothing really but a bunch of monads like the garbage in your dustbin.
5) Whatever....

well so this guy Leibniz didnt just make up stories you know but gave proper proofs and logical reasoning for all that stuff. so in case he interests you, u can ask me to email you the essay i wrote on him or just google him....

A Story...

The sleepless night looked on as the stars of its womb peeped over the clouds. Some of them were bright as bright, while others not so dull. They will stay forever my babies thought the sleepless night. How long? He didn’t know.

One night as he was sleeplessing around he thought, ‘what is it that I can do so that the sun never comes up?’ Ah! He got the answer almost immediately, he was a clever one. ‘I must remove all the impermanent things in this world, so that the sun never has to rise again to nourish these poor fickle and never-long-enough souls’. He thought what a world it would be with sleepless darkness everywhere. Never again would he hear anyone sing, “here comes the sun too doo doo doo”. He won’t have to hide again ever. As he felt all this, his heart bloomed with joy.

So started his journey to the dark side, where there is never any light. ‘Where is it?’ he would think to himself. But the answers never came. ‘I know who I can ask’. So swoops down and the chain tied to his leg rattles into the night. To the ground he asked, solid forever ground. The ground with all its dust and stones. “Where is the dark side? Is it below you?” The ground wondered and then said, “it is not below me, but perhaps it is in the blood that runs through the creatures with the ability to shake me. And laugh as they watch blood spread on me as a carpet and then seep into my cracks. “No No No” said the sleepless night. “it cannot be that for when they sleep, the same blood is at utter peace.” And thus saying he goes away disappointed to find that who he considered to be all knowing and eternal did not know where it is, the dark side.

So he thought and went on to see the wisest one of all, the wind. The wind rattled the window panes of a broken house and zigzagged around its favourite trees. It had heard the sleepless night coming towards him. “what is the sleepless night doing on such a black moon?” whooshes the wind. “I have come to find the dark side, do you know where it is?” “hmm…” says the wind, “hmm, I think it is in the hands of those mortal souls who shut me out at night instead of feeling me. But sit inside while they make their fantacies run wild with their mortal syrups”. “No No No” says the sleepless, “it cannot be that. Because those very hands also caress a baby’s round head. Disappointed once again, the sleepless night moves on. He feels a pull at his chain as the world keeps turning. Soon he will have to hide till the sun goes down once more.