23 October, 2010

Displaced - Azure Ray


It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that nothing
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
I think i'm turned around
I'm looking up
Not looking down
And when i'm standing still
Watching you run
Watching you fall
Fall into me

Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced

And she's my friend of all friends
She's still here when everyone's gone
She doesn't have to say a thing
We'll just keep laughing all night long
All night long

Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced

It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that no one
No one survives
No one survives.

20 October, 2010

Your Madness

Its some sort of madness
Oozing out of you
The pores of your skin
Making your hair stand

Its some sort of intensity
Directionless
Poorly contained
Bursting at the seams

Its some sort of craziness
Nothing you created
It is in your eyes
Not a brightness

Each word drops from you
Helplessly disconnected
Each moan escapes from you
Higher than before

New places
Old madness
Directionless
Uncontained

Only a sad tune remains
It plays within you
Parallel, always understanding
All else is left behind

20 September, 2010

Except Perhaps in Spring

Hesitant footprints in the snow
A white world
Full of promise for the future

A blossoming in Spring
New born
Overflowing loves

A drowning in the rain
The dampening
And cultivation of futures

The burning summer sun
Spoke
Of an unfinished story

And now the beginning of autumn
A time to let go
Like leaves that land softly
Until they are blown elsewhere by winds



08 September, 2010

Wind

When the wind blows,
I rejoice.
Someone dies and I,
I laugh into the wind

18 August, 2010

Screwed Ups

You are screwed up
Full stop
So am I
Full stop

Coward

Moving away from
A thorny bush
A Memory of
Bloody fingers



09 August, 2010

Sowed Seeds

I spent 7 weeks in California between June and August recently. I decided to learn some farming and so used the WWOOF (World Wide Opportunities for Organic Farming) network and went to two places called WindTree and StillPoint Zen Community Center. After spending most of my time doing this, I spent a week traveling in California and meeting family. Amongst all the activities I performed through this time, some left more impact on me than others. So I decided to write about some of my observations and realizations about something and everything.

Growing: I enjoy working outdoors with my hands and pushing my body to do more. Growing muscles is great, but not as amazing as growing food. There are several stages to growing food, and my favourite was preparing the soil for sowing. We refrained from using machines so I used my hands a lot. Playing with soil is fun!

Forests: Working in forests is unknown to me and I feel lost. I don't think they need to be disturbed.

New Ecologies: It is fantastically unknown and rare to be a part of the beginning of a new ecology after the death of an old one. Bees, flowers, and butterflies are in abundance at newness. Dead burnt trees stood like old pillars of the past, as a new system emerged right at the feet of the burnt majesty.

Mountains: I miss them.

Shovel: It is my favourite tool. I could spend days shoveling...preparing soil, mixing it, making Cob etc.

Ladders: Working on ladders is easier than it looks.

Watering Hoses: Using hoses is not as easy as it looks. Watering often crushes plants along the way. There are many kinds of pipes and hoses that you can use to save water. A great one is a soaker hose which conserves water and does some good deep watering. Top watering consumes a lot of water.

Indigenous Grandmothers: There are 13 indigenous grandmothers on a council. Though there are many more grandmothers in the world. http://www.grandmotherscouncil.org/

Care: I care about situations, not things or beings. I cannot love or hate the environment. It just is. Just like beings. And so I care about situations with boundaries that I set within where I can see interconnections, motivations, consequences, and repercussions. Right now I care about problematic ecological and social situations that seem affected by human beings.

Taking sides: No side can be taken for too long.

Learning Lessons: I need to find a way to combine the practical and the influential. To make sure lessons are learnt simultaneously as solutions are created.

Brahman and Maya: They need to be interchanged. Brahman is the essential Maya and Maya must be made the Brahman.

Birds: It is not easy being winged.

Death: It is close and common. Socrates was right when he said that if you are afraid of death you are being arrogant because you think you know what happens once you die. I choose to apply this to other situations in my life as well.

Goats: Are adorable and frustrating...and hard work. They are domesticated just like humans.

Goodbyes: They are not meant to be sad. If they are extra sad, something is wrong.

Communities: They are a place of fulfillment, action, and motivation. It is very difficult to maintain horizontalness within them

The Pacific Ocean: Is the bluest ocean I have ever seen.

Dirt: Dirt is not dirty. In cities it is. But we forget that dirt is not dirty on a farm, or in a forest.

Vanishing: Is all about yourself in a most selfish manner.

Family: Mine cares. Everywhere.

House: I will build my own house and you are most welcome to come and help me build it. Slowly and soon I wish to move away from the urban life.

Home: There is no home. But temporarily special places may be called home while living there. Once you leave and come back, it is a memory of a home.

Moments: Every moment has only just passed and no matter how aware I was of it, I am never sure if it was just a dream.

Connections: There are special things, people, and places.

Some seeds have been sowed and I can only hope they grow well. I hope they receive just the right amount of water, have good soil, are pruned right, and are harvested at the right time.
Thank you WindTree, Stillpoint Zen, Family in California, and family elsewhere.

10 June, 2010

Watermelon Man

You tease me with your ways
Abrupt and startling
I open my eyes thinking
I know what lies ahead
Never is it what I think

You show me a beginning
And create the end
Before I realize I am there
Every moment has just passed
Only existing as replay

Allow me to reach the core
Tackle the obstructions
How do I find and embrace
If I know not what I search for?

Unfortunately (for you) I've learnt
To live with your ways
Not to dwell too long
To enjoy the funk

Watermelon man,
You are quite enjoyable
Don't ask me to love you
Don't ask me to hate you

Hint: Watermelon man = Life

25 April, 2010

Over the Edge

Some like to call it tipping point, others being jolted to their senses. Whatever you might want to call it, it is definitely the best thing that can happen to one such as me. A dreamer who loses herself in her own world while the others keep moving with what they consider reality. Reality that has been affirmed empirically by most individuals through their experiences. There is definitely something amazingly attractive and profound about living in my own dreams. It is a world which is governed by my own rules, has depth and meaning as I give it, and saves me from becoming domesticated. This world of mine helps me keep some of the madness that is necessary for my survival in my interconnected shared empirical life.

But everyday this shared life places burdens on me. Burdens which become heavier and heavier. Sometimes I realize they exist, at other times I forget about them. But I keep bearing these burdens and as they keep growing, I get slowly crushed under them. And just when I think I cannot take it anymore, I receive a big blow. This blow pushes me to the edge and I try to balance myself, only to find that after the required amount of time has passed, the burden tips over and falls over the edge. I awaken. Awaken out of my dreams, and stare at the now naked shared reality. Staring into the eyes of this naked reality gives me the strength I need and adds that extra nutrient that I need as an organism to grow. With that nutrient within me, I am allowed to grow in joy. Soon I float back into my dream world...only this time with new limits to my dreams.

Maybe until the time I am allowed to dream without limits. When madness and intensity will be allowed to stay.

13 April, 2010

Presence

Soft steps
In the corridor
The corner
It was occupied
But you didn't see

A silence
Some presence
A melting away
It faded away
But you didn't know

Look again
The corner
The corridor
A faint memory
But you cant grasp it

I looked
All I found was
Self pity