One by One...

One by one my leaves fall
The winter is now coming
Once, I used to stand tall
Now I feel like I am crumbling

Why do I feel so you ask?
Why do I look forlorn?
I feel like I am wearing a mask
One that cannot be torn

Grudgingly I am bent sideways
The unrelenting wind pushes
My bark so strong yet too weak
Against the winds that beat

I am pushed down into the ground
My head pushed into the ground
My feet still firmly planted
This is not me! Uncomfortable...

I tried so hard not to become like this
I am ashamed of myself even more
I cannot tear the mask off my face
I don't know what to do anymore

Look how harsh the wind blows now
My poor friends are uprooted
The wind spares no one...but me
It shaped me thus so it would never kill me

Now I know why I had to change
I know now for my bark is strong
I was shaped thus to bear the wind
Till one by one my leaves fall

Split Personality

My head has split into two
One is me and the other is me too
Is it me? Is it a disease?
Is it who I am? Is it who I want to be?

I am who I am now
Yet I can feel the throbbing in my heart
It is another beat
Another me another path

I look at who I am and I see
Dissatisfaction with what I cannot help but be
I look inside and again I find
Another me that could have been at another place at this time

One day I decide to be like that other
Who I believe is really true
And find that everyone loves her better
Makes me feel like I was wearing the wrong shoe

People who know me cannot help but see
The old even though it is the new me
It makes me ask why am I so?
Is it better or must I not let go?

Am I split into half or is it all mine
Am I the shallow one or am I the kind?
What does this world personality disorder mean?
Is just psychology working its mind?

I can feel fate's hands working here
It has shaped who I am and will become
But it leaves also a picture with me
of some one who I must strive to be

I don't need to look without
All I need to do is look within
When change beckons me
I must follow the other me

The day time stopped...

The Super Computer had predicted that at eleven hundred hours time would stop. The villagers were all in a frenzy trying hard to get into the best mood they could so that they wouldn't be stuck in a bad mood for eternity.
Tom the trench digger decided to hit the bar at 6.00am in the morning so that by the time it was eleven hundred hours he would be a happy drunk man forever.
Sela thought that the only way she knew how to be was to be depressed. She didn't know how else to be. It was her 'comfort zone' she always said. She looked at herself in the mirror and realised how impossible it was going to be to become a happy person before eleven hundred hours, because she didn't know how else to be. So she sat down on the road, waiting.
The busyness man walking down the street looked at her and kept walking. He yelled at anyone who cared to listen, 'Its all bullshit you know. Time never stops you know. The market will keep going up and up and I will be buried in money the day I die!'.
The grandma who heard him thought to herself, 'Oh you fool, you will never die.... how long must I wait my lord?' After thinking that she started walking towards the church at 10.37am to pray because it would take her 23 minutes to walk to the church.
The priest at the church knew she would come. He stood before the statue and bowed his head in solemn prayer, 'Finally I will be devoted to you for all eternity'.
As the young man drove past the street across the church he felt so happy. He wasn't thinking about the church. He wanted nothing more than to reach his girlfriend's house and put his penis into her vagina. Just as he would be ejaculating inside her, his orgasm at its peak, the moment would freeze forever. 'Ah bliss' he thought. He had it all planned in his mind.
The academicians were finding it hard to concentrate with all the noise on the streets of the cars rushing by. They were pouring over theirs books, talking, debating and discussing with each other what the consequences would be if time stopped? They couldn't agree on any one thing. Will there be no more change? Will everything stop moving? Will there be no more progress? What about nature? What about man? What was the wise man thinking?
I was thinking the same thing. What was the wise man thinking? As I stood on top of the small hill overlooking the village, I felt confused... If time stopped did it mean that I would be stuck in this moment forever? Would I have nothing to look forward to? Will I be haunted for eternity by my past? Will I be able to think? I am usually a happy person I thought to myself, but look at me now, I am confused! I started panicking. I felt worried I would be trapped inside my thoughts as the clock struck eleven hundred hours. I looked at my watch and saw 10 seconds to eleven hundred hours...
9
8
7
6
I was still confused and anxious about the unknown
5
4
3
Thoughts running ceaselessly through my mind, sweat pouring down my face...
2
1
A sudden wind that lifts the hair off my shoulders, my eyes close in contentment.....no thoughts....just peace.....
Time stops.

Baltimore....it does not mean more buckets

I went to Baltimore
It was no eye sore
But more than anything
i met my sister ming ming (whatever that is)

what was the best thing there you ask?
it was the man with the blue mask!
nah i'm just kidding my dear
but i will tell you the truth, dont fear.

to the aquarium we went
thank god we didnt faint
sharks and sting rays we saw
varsha thought they would eat her raw (thats how they like their food mostly)

a dolphin show put the colour back in our cheeks
oh such cute and intelligent tricks!
it was like nothing i had seen before
it made me clap my hands and my heart soar

lots of shopping was on the agenda (man agenda is going to be a tough word to rhyme)
round and round the stores we wenta (a slight tamil accent...(no offence to tamilians or their lovers)
the most expensive things i bought
cause varsha was paying so, why not!

but the best part about the trip
was being with my sweetest sis
how lovely it is to be with family
thanks god for blessing me!

FOOTBALL!!!

That what I have been doing every thursday evening.... playing football or what they call Soccer here. Its absolutely 'awesome' again as they say here with the American twist of the tongue. I am not really sure if there is any tongue twisting in that but you get the point eh?
But I ain't playin just some 'galli' football but actual tournament in a proper field. The field is infact a indoor field. Its pretty awesome. So a few people in my department and their friends signed up a team for this season.... and asked me to join them. I told them I suck plus $50 for it....ummm...nah.
But guess what? We all suck and its totally worth the money because its a lot of fun.
So i have to wear shin guards and high socks till my knees and shorts and t-shirt and over the t-shirt i have to wear a stinking colourful vest to match the rest of my team. I am ready to go!
we play against other teams. I have played 2 thurdays already and have 3 more to go. Its great excersise and really tiring. The deal is that there have to be 2 girls on the field at all times and the ball has to be kicked by a girl at least once before there is a goal. there are only 3 girls in my department and so we all get a lot of running to do. but its not too bad.

We lose.
yes thats what we do.
we lose.
well yesterday we played the best team (undeafeated!) and guess what happened?
WE WON!!!
Nah I am kidding.
We lost 8 goals to Zero. hahaha
But we philosophers are all cool headed and unambitious, non-competitive folk. we take it easy. so its not difficult to lose...
The best part of this whole football thing is that I get to kick the ball, i get to fall and make other people fall too! The other great think about it is the pain oh sweet pain in the legs till the next thursday.
Well here you have it. I am getting all round development here in Toledo.
Loving it.

Beans!

I have decided to start writing on random topics that come to my head just for fun. So today's is beans.
There used to be a poem called...

Beans! Beans! the magical fruit
The more you eat the more you toot
The more you toot the less you eat.... etc..

I cant remember any more..

Beans are like pseudo peas. You think you could open them and find something meaningful inside them but nope you just gotta chop em' up and eat em' (its not the american accent coming in if you are wondering).
Its usually when I am in a recklessly happy mood that I end up writing posts up stuff like beans. Otherwise I am usually on serious stuff like god, soul, mind, the end of the world etc.
But why am I even writing about beans in the first place I have no idea!

Here are some facts about beans anyway...

1. Beans were among the first cultivated crops when man started agriculture
2. Beans can be dried and kept for years. (good point to note while packing a survival kit before we will drown because of global warming)
3. Beans help reduce cholesterol because they are the richest source of fiber(this is a great point to note...you know who I am talking to)
   
4. Dried beans can even be used as pizza topping (eww!)
5. Beans can reduce the risk of cancer
6. thats it....

ya thats all I have to say about beans. If i write anymore you will probably be wondering whether I have nothing else to do in the US. well as a matter of fact I do have a lot to study so I will sit down to read the 'evolution of the human mind'.
see ya

Philosophy at Toledo...

Hellos everybody who is interested to know more about how I am getting along at the UT (University of Toledo).
So the campus is really great. Beautiful and big like University of Pune (which btw is greener). As I stepped into college for the international students orientation, I was surrounded by Chinese and Indians. Chinese outnumbering the Indians by a huge margin. Quite surprising for me actually. Eventually I realised that I was probably one out 300 people there who was here to study something in the arts side of things.... The rest were engineering and pharmacy students. So you can imagine how alienated I was feeling! But I enjoyed meeting all these new people.
My department is extremely small as you can imagine. So small that I think it is non-existent to many. Like the president of international students organisation did not know that the university had a department of philosophy! But i think we are all used to this by now isn't it? Well so my department is situated in a building about 15-20mins walking distance from my apartment (I walk everyday). The building is like a maze and you just get totally lost in it cause it has steps and doors and more steps and more doors. Finally I did make it to the department and I was told by the secretary that I was the only international student they had had in the last couple of years! Well so that felt good to hear in the beginning but later I realised you can get pretty alienated in a totally american dominated environment.
So I have a teaching assistantship which means I have to assist one of the professors (Ammon Allred) in his undergraduate lectures. I have to mainly sit and listen to his lectures and help him with grading papers and sometimes even help him teach. I will be assisting him in Contemporary Moral Problems. Looking forward to it. I also have to maintain a few office hours every week where undergraduate students can come and ask me questions and I have to help them out. So that is my job.
My degree requirement are that I have to have minimum of 32 credits at the end of 2 yrs. These 32 credits include lecture times and thesis reading (or something like that). I am still getting a hang of these things... not too sure. So there are three semesters and I have to have to choose a minimum of 9 credits each semester. So this semester there were four options....
1) Philosophy of mind
2) Phenomenology
3) 20th century analytic
4) American philosophers : william james etc..

So i chose 1,2 & 3 which are 3 credits each that makes it 9 credits total.
Next year things will get tougher because by this time I should already be ready with a draft of my thesis as I will have to begin applying for my PhD by december. And also I may be talking my own classes like 'Introduction to philosophy or critical thinking etc.'

So tomorrow is the first day of my lecture.
I have already begun reading as you have to keep reading all the time and soon write papers. And A's in the papers are a must....

Well thats all for now.
I will keep this space updated!
Keep a look out for it
Feel free to ask me any questions about academics or anything here

Looking forward to this new adventure!

p.s. If you click on the title 'Philosophy at Toledo' it will take you to my department website

Philosopher Quotes - WITTGENSTEIN

“Someone who knows too much finds it hard not to lie.”

“The real discovery is the one which enables me to stop doing philosophy when I want to. - The one that gives philosophy peace, so that it is no longer tormented by questions which bring itself into question.”

“If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done”

“Death is not an event in life: we do not live to experience death. If we take eternity to mean not infinite temporal duration but timelessness, then eternal life belongs to those who live in the present.”

“Philosophy is like trying to open a safe with a combination lock: each little adjustment of the dials seems to achieve nothing, only when everything is in place does the door open.”

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

“I sit astride life like a bad rider on a horse. I only owe it to the horse's good nature that I am not thrown off at this very moment.”

“(on Sartre) Hell isn't other people. Hell is yourself.”

“At the end of reasons comes persuasion”

“A philosopher who is not taking part in discussions is like a boxer who never goes into the ring”

“A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.”

Love Poem...there had to be one...

Some say that love is easy
it is like a game
some say its difficult and hard
and someone is always to blame

tiring or fullfilling?
precious or spaceless?
killer or life giving?
meaningful or meaningless?

love makes you go around
in circles forever
love creates a path onwards
that ceases never

love makes you drop
like a hot potato
love makes you fly
high and wide like Plato

Which answer must I choose?
The good ones or bad?
I must let my heart speak
before i go mad!

It is simple
it is pure
it is growth
it is sure

it is forwards
never backwards
it is beautiful
it is discipline

it is faith
it is appreciation
it is apologising
it is forgiving

you and me
we share a dream
to be together
just us forever

love has kept us
love will lead us
love is ours
we are His.

My terrace wall!!! we painted it