A Little More Uncomfortable...

I want to make you feel
A little more uncomfortable
I want to tell you things
You don't want to hear

Can I express how I feel?
Will you be able to hear it?
Or perhaps you will be entertained
And I will take a bow

I want what I cannot have
I am offered what I don't want
I am tired of wanting
I know desires are fleeting

Let it come to me, why?
Do I deserve it?
Am I good enough?
Maybe just different

I just drowned
In self-pity
Did not mean to
Wanted to be above it all

Maybe I am
Stop now...
Not 'I', Not 'I'
Look outside

Not too deep?
Not now
Just be
No mind

No comments
From me?
From you?
From them?

I look now
Inside me
It has gone
It passed already

पुश एंड पुल

वाई डस लव पुश एंड पुल मी?
आई क्न्नोत कंट्रोल माइसेल्फ़
यु स्पिन मी राईट राउंड
एंड आई हेट यू फॉर इट


वाई डू आई लव व्हेन
आई वाँट टू हेट
वाई डू आई गो क्लोसर
व्हेन आई वाँट टू रन?


वात ड्राईव्स मी
वाई कांट आई स्टॉप?
आई डोंट वाँट टू हर्ट
नॉट मी, नॉट मी


आई विश फॉर हिस लव
कम टू मी
समय जस्ट पासिस
ही डस नॉट कम


हेल्प मी फाइट दिस
टू ओब्सर्व
एंड
लेट गो

Tere Naina

मेरे दिल में जो अरमान है
पास आके झरा देखो ना

आब जो तुम मिलगये हो तो
फिरसे ना कहीं खो जा ना

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTpmvQxpljE

Too

Is it right or wrong?
To feel
To feel too much
You tell me

The music swims
Through my ears
It is absorbed
Into me

I am still here
They are not
Perhaps...

Ankhon ka hai dhokha,
Aisa tera pyaar

The White Sea

There was a breeze
I looked
I was mesmerized
I was seized

By the white sea
A white sea
A white sky
A silver streak

Across the sky
Along the horizon
Silver, I stare
At the white sea

I am pulled
Sucked into it
Through my eyes
My eyes alone

Into my body
And out again
There were projections
Ripples of explosions

Not heaven?
Another planet?
Where was I?
I did not get

But it was different
It was allowed to be
I was inspired
Become unique

To venture
The unnameable
The touch
So precious

I am grateful
White sea
You feel like all
And beyond me

A Farmer's Tale

As I sit and watch the street, I am engulfed by a heaviness. It is so thick and it penetrates my limbs. My eyes, they watch, listlessly. They watch the people hurrying by, hurrying to which end I wonder. I know they are hurrying to get to somewhere. To work perhaps, some hurrying home, some just, hurrying. They walk over the filth, breathe the filth, touch it and taste it as well. Yet they don't feel it? Or maybe they do. But I see it. I can feel it with my senses, it has entered me now... it has claimed my mind? Perhaps not yet. I look up at the grey skies and I know, they are grey not from rain. The smoke from my beedi rises up and mingles into the grey. I track the smoke with my eyes till it has disappeared. The faded smoke has turned into the grey skies. As I stare above, I cannot help remembering the blue skies under which I was once. I once was, someone. A farmer.

The sky it is not mine. But it is blue. The fields that surround me are green. It is true that they are mine, but are they really mine? Could they have ever been or remain mine? The fields belong to my, my earth. All that I could call mine, is first hers. I plough, I sow, I water and I tend. But I also reap, and I share. I am happy because I am blessed by my earth. She has given me her best, her all. I try not to want too much, but sometimes I think I do keep wanting. Mother will forgive me, wont she? Here come my children now, they seem happy. I see my little Lila, my little one, chasing the butterfly. She runs playfully, full of joy. She is as fresh as the farms themselves. The life that runs within her seems to penetrate every tree, every animal, and every stone and every inch of soil. I lift her softly and look into her bright eyes and I see in them, myself. I see the fields, the skies in her eyes as she playfully tugs at my beard. I leave her and watch her run around the open field. I see her now, running away from me, further and further away. It is getting hazy now and I cannot see clearly anymore. The green of the fields blurring and merging into the blue sky. The colours swirl and mix into an ugly grey.

I realised I am back on the street, in the city. The grey skies looking back at me, cheerlessly. I ask myself why I am here? Why this filth? Where are these people going? Why do they want to live here? Why would anybody want to live in these crowds? This place is filled with filth, corruption, and evil. It is filled with desires that can never be satisfied. What are they looking for? Why do they pray and steal? Why do they laugh and kill? Why must progress be punctuated by violence and sorrow? Once again I asked, why must I build this road?

There was never an answer. I looked down at my still glowing beedi stub and I saw once again, a glimpse. A memory of the red sun as it set over the fields while Lila and I watched. Slowly the light went out. The sun had set. All I could see now were my soiled feel, in torn slippers. I dragged myself out of my dreams and stood up. The road had to be built, it was not mine but its theirs. The people of the city.

Sensations

Close your eyes they said
Feel, they said
The blackness
Swiveling lights
Darkness again
Cells, the nucleus, the web...
Before my eyes it all floated

On the nose they said
Concentrate, they said
Upper lip
Breath goes in
Breath goes out
Breath goes in
Breath goes out
Now cold, now hot
I feel it in my nose

I am diving now
Into the abyss
Dark
Falling
Hold me!
No one...
I fell down till I reached a bed
A bed of vibrations

Vibrations bursting out of my finger tips
My palms, don't touch them!
Or may be I will touch you
I will heal you
Come
Come to me now
Not yet perhaps...

It is moving now
Engulfing me
Vibrations are filling me up
I tremble at this new experience
I tremble and it hurts
Oh the pain!
Its not mine, or is it?

Images, my life, I gaze astonished
The pains
Sorrows
Sadness
All mine...
My body aches with my pains
'My' pains?
'The' pains...yes.

Gone
They are all gone I cannot believe
I looked for them
Now I feel
A density I have never felt
Am I hollow?
Or am I full?

Here they are again
Oh the vibrations!
Filling the emptiness, the denseness
Bursting out of my skin
I am rising
Boundaries are blurred
Is this me? Or that?
Sensations
Is all

Come Together

Frozen roads
Frozen hearts
Frozen tears
Frozen moments

Take me
Move me
Leave me
Love me

Open hands
Melted hearts
Bloody floors
Crawling skin

New light
New sights
Unknown
My way

His tears?
His fears?
His pain?
No gain?

No guilt
Look ahead
No filth
Dream away

Trust
Surrender
Feel
Kneel

Words always
Touch always
Hearts always
Love always

Forgive always...

I Apologise

I apologise
To all who I hurt
Sometimes by actions
Sometimes by words

How was I to know
That holding on was wrong
That expressing myself
Would hurt so strong

For that I apologise
My dear friend
For that I apologise
My dear love

Month after Month
In just a year
I have lost you
I have pursued you

Winding down the road
I mock myself
For never stopping
Always wanting

If this poem hurts too
I am sorry
If I can never be forgiven
I am sorry

I will not hurt you again
This I promise you
I will miss you dear
And that remains true

(Dedicated to the only person who knows me more than I know myself)

In The Rain

The boy dances in the rain
Water streaming down his body
His body like a young twig
So easily bent
As if struggling against it
He dances
A silhouette
Arms pushing away the hurt
Fists clenched ready to fight
His body is stretched
Stretched to the limit
Hoping it wont snap
The boy dances
The water hitting him
He fights back
Displacing barely
Tears mixing in the rain
Tears of strength
His legs defy gravity
They defy all that has been done
To him
He Dances
Never stopping
Pushing, beating, lifting, swirling
Never stopping

Come into my arms,
Come and rest in the warmth,
Let me hold your quivering body,
Let me give you peace.